As a parent, there are many things that we look forward to doing with our children. From attending their school events to playing games with them, these moments are what make parenthood so special. However, for some parents, these seemingly ordinary activities can become a source of anxiety and discomfort. For me, going to watch football with my son or sitting in a café became almost impossible without feeling the need to constantly be aware of my surroundings. It wasn’t until recently that I realized this was a sign of losing a part of myself.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a carefree and easygoing person. I never thought twice about where I sat or who was around me. But after becoming a parent, things changed. Suddenly, I felt a strong sense of responsibility for my child’s safety, and this extended to my own safety as well. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of constantly needing to be on guard, even in seemingly harmless situations.
It started with something as simple as going to a crowded café. I would always make sure to sit with my back against the wall, facing the entrance, so that I could see everyone coming and going. At first, I didn’t think much of it. I thought it was just a precautionary measure, but it soon became a habit. I couldn’t enjoy a conversation with my son or a cup of coffee without constantly scanning the room for potential threats.
The same went for watching my son’s football games. While I was proud of him and enjoyed supporting him, I couldn’t fully immerse myself in the game. I would always choose a spot where I could see the entire field and keep an eye on my son. I couldn’t relax and cheer him on without feeling the need to constantly be on high alert.
It wasn’t until a friend pointed it out to me that I realized the impact this behavior was having on me. She asked why I always had to sit with my back to the wall and why I couldn’t just enjoy the moment. I didn’t have a clear answer. I just knew that I couldn’t shake off the feeling of needing to be in control, of needing to protect my son and myself.
It was then that I realized that I had lost a part of myself. The carefree and easygoing person I used to be was now overshadowed by my need for constant vigilance. And this realization made me sad. I didn’t want to be this person. I wanted to be able to fully enjoy these moments with my son without feeling like I needed to be on guard all the time.
So, I decided to take back control and not let this fear consume me. I started small by consciously making an effort to sit in different places, facing different directions. I slowly started to let go of the need to always have my back against the wall. It wasn’t easy, but with time, it became more natural.
I also reminded myself that it’s okay to let go and trust that everything will be okay. As a parent, it’s natural to worry about our children’s safety, but we also need to remember that we cannot control everything. We need to learn to let go and trust that our children will be okay, even if we’re not constantly watching their every move.
I also sought help from a therapist, who helped me understand that my behavior was a result of my own fears and anxieties. She taught me coping mechanisms and techniques to manage my fears and not let them control me.
Today, I can proudly say that I no longer feel the need to constantly have my back against the wall. I can enjoy a cup of coffee or watch my son’s football games without feeling the need to be on high alert. It took time and effort, but I am grateful that I was able to recognize and address this issue before it consumed me completely.
As parents, it’s important to take care of ourselves and not let our fears and anxieties take over. We need to be present and fully enjoy these special moments with our children. And most importantly, we need to remember that it’s okay to let go and trust that everything will be okay. After all, it’s these little moments that make parenthood so special. So let’s not let our fears rob us of these precious memories.
